untitled.

I have been thinking, why on earth do we set ourselves up to be hurt? I constantly put myself in situations where I come out looking like a desperate fool. I don't wish to go into very much detail because I am that humiliated. I am stupid. I put myself out there and basically made a mockery out of myself. How can people be so blind and not see the real you. Why do we care so much what other people think of us? I am guilty of it also but I would never treat someone with such disrespect or like they did not matter. When someone is pouring their heart out to you it takes so much courage to be able to say those feelings out loud and for someone to just disappear and act as if you don't exist or even matter is just hurtful and embarrassing. I put myself out there and expected something positive to come of it but the very opposite happened.

If you don't love yourself how is anyone ever going to love you. I am a flawed person, ney, extremely flawed at times. But I matter and why can't someone see my heart, or kindness of others. I understand beauty is important but personality, morals, and grace is even more important in my book and I just wish men would see that. Those good traits are what makes a person beautiful. Life doesn't always turn out as we would have liked, things don't go the way we planned them and thats just how the world works. It's that moment where you have to decide how am I going to make this positive, and to learn from my mistakes. I don't know if I am ever going to understand why some people act the way they do.

All I can do now is move forward and to get to a place where I feel beautiful and in a good place. I am not at the place right now, very much the opposite actually. I am going to be healthy and lose weight not for him, not for anyone else but because I know that I deserve to feel like a million dollars, and to be in love and confident and cheeseburgers and ice cream will never fill that void for me.