Wednesday, January 20, 2010

My very first post.

I am 21 years old, and I am the token fat friend. It's okay I have accepted it, I almost embrace it perhaps. It is shameful to admit this yes, but it is the truth. Its completely true though I believe the cast of MTV's Jersey Shore even have a name for it "the grenade." So, embarrassing as it is I accept it and will write accordingly.
I am fortunate to have some really great, true, friends who love me for me. God love them, they put up with a lot of my bullshit. But I have come to realize that I am the biggest pushover on the planet I let people walk all over me, and in being like that I attract some friends that basically love that I am timid, chubby, and extremely insecure and therefore put up with almost anything. It is unfortunate but it is also my fault too. I am that person that apologizes 80 times a day for sometimes no reason at all or when I dont need to. However, this blog will hopefully prove as a step to acknowledge my problem and start to change it.
For everyone that has ever been heavy they know how crappy it can be. I have definitely been asked how many months along I was on 3 or 4 different occasions, Like alot of people Middle school and especially high school could be hell. I know alot of people dealt with it but I still haven't really gotten past it and therefore still feel like I need to be extra nice or extra funny to make up for the elephant in the room......
I am just starting to realize that some of these "best friends" that I always spoke and thought so highly of, used me and basically couldn't stand whenever I wasn't around to be their little sidekick when I found love, or lost alot of weight for a time, distanced themselves or were really angry that I "changed." Don't I deserve to be happy? I am trying really hard to be my own person now and not be a punching bag. So I hope this will help.

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