Tuesday, February 23, 2010

A fresh start. again...

For those of you who know me, you know I have struggled with my weight. I have lost 50 pounds, gained back 60 lost 70,gained back 70. It is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I am absolutely disgusted with myself for letting me get back to this place. I hate the way I look. I feel like Kirstie Alley honestly. When she was on Oprah in her bikini she was on top of the world and a year or two later she is back to where she started a fixture in the tabloids. Well, I may not be in any tabloids but people definitely talk and I'm defintely in the same situation where I have been many times.
Perhaps I decided I really did wanna change today after a few little girls at my work called me a "big elephant." Now, I know they are kids and its innocent and they didn't mean to hurt my feelings. That isn't what bugged me, its that they are completely right. I'm Kevin Smith and the world is Southwest Air saying get your fat ass off you don't fit in here.
Just to be clear I'm finally not losing weight for anyone but myself. I am gonna focus on being comfortable with myself first before trying to find my Mr. Big. So I will post my progress on here weekly. I'm not sure if I will be doing it by pounds lost or just how I'm feeling. We'll see. Bottom line, I want my life back and I want to be happy and not feel unworthy of anything or anyone.

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